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Old 04-07-09, 12:20 AM   #1
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Default Movie review thread

I saw a pretty awesome movie to kick off this thread.

La Bete (The Beast) 1975 from France.


OK, it's from the 70's and France so you know already you have yourself a dirty movie on your hands. But this one is even more special!

The movie starts with pornographic detail of horse intercourse (more graphic than most modern pornos) and ends with pornographic detail of woman - manbearpig intercourse.


What's in between isn't that important.


The manbearpig (im serious, there's some mythical creature that looks EXACTLY like manbearpig) penis prop was very detailed, and you could tell they were proud of it because they kept zooming in on it. It could also grow, shrink, and ejaculate fake semen, it really was a feat in engineering.



The dirtiest movie I have ever seen. More dirty than Lady Ninja: Reflections of Darkness. And for that, it earns a very special place in my heart.
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Old 04-07-09, 05:58 AM   #2
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God I hate film reviewers sometimes.

From todays Herald Sun

Quote:
Originally Posted by Leigh Paatsch (faggot)
JCVD Fact and fiction are mashed together to bizarre effect in this French-produced fantasy about 'the secret life' of action man Jean-Claude Van Damme. Gets off to a ripping start, but loses traction by getting too high-concept for the star's fanbase. Subtitled.

2.5 stars out of 5.
I mean, fuck, that is by far the poorest assumption-based review in history.

My review:

Quote:
JCVD

Van-Damme shows off his talents as an actor? You bet your arse he does.
He's awesome; the film could have been a little better in parts.
His monologue is actually brilliant and (from what I've read) very true to life.

8/10
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Old 04-07-09, 06:06 AM   #3
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Condescension from a film elitist!? When did DC get a job at the Herald Sun?
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Old 04-07-09, 11:29 AM   #4
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The Devil's Rejects - 6.5/10

This was much better than House of 1000 Corpses. I actually enjoyed it. It has lots of boobs (Rob Zombie likes boobs!) and RZ's wife is hot!

Halloween - 7/10

RZ just get's better with each film he makes. Mike Myers is a really scary character, especially as a kid. Unfortunately, I haven't seen the original, so I can't compare them, but this was pretty cool. And boobs. Bloody boobs!
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Old 04-07-09, 11:44 AM   #5
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Blue Velvet - 9/10

Scary :|

Mulholland Drive - 10/10

I got a HUGE boner during the lesbian scene omfg
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Old 04-07-09, 12:02 PM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Maximus Prime View Post
Halloween - 7/10

RZ just get's better with each film he makes. Mike Myers is a really scary character, especially as a kid. Unfortunately, I haven't seen the original, so I can't compare them, but this was pretty cool. And boobs. Bloody boobs!
Wow. So you thought House of 1000 Corpses was crap and Halloween was good...I do not understand.



@TAT David and Margret actually gave JCVD a good score, for movie reviewers they actually seem to actually get it right, what normal people would actually like .
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Old 04-07-09, 12:44 PM   #7
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Naked Lunch


I can think of 2 things wrong with the title of this movie
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Old 04-07-09, 12:54 PM   #8
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whoa i think i saw a book about that movie

dont think i'd want anything to do with some guy called "william s burroughs" though.... (who has ever heard of him????????? noone. give me stan lee thanks)

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Old 04-07-09, 12:56 PM   #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sloppy View Post
Blue Velvet - 9/10

Scary :|

Mulholland Drive - 10/10

I got a HUGE boner during the lesbian scene omfg
blue velvet is better!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! fuck you
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Old 04-07-09, 01:42 PM   #10
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You've never been turned on, so what the fuck would you know?@
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Old 04-07-09, 01:45 PM   #11
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uhh ive been turned out by the dennis hopper scenes in blue velvet so you should probably shut your gay mouth now
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Old 04-07-09, 01:48 PM   #12
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lazlow's UNUSED treadmill = never been turned on u get the fcking joke u LUT cunt?
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Old 04-07-09, 01:48 PM   #13
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i forgot it was my username
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Old 04-07-09, 01:49 PM   #14
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what is in a name??? does it really old much importance?? not to me

i am what i say & do

e: *hold
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Old 04-07-09, 01:51 PM   #15
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poor form, go choke on your mummys dic
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Old 04-07-09, 01:53 PM   #16
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stfu
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Old 04-07-09, 03:18 PM   #17
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Halloween was not that good Maxi.
Girls were hot, but fucking annoying.
There were boobs though.
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Old 04-07-09, 06:24 PM   #18
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sloppy View Post
Mulholland Drive - 10/10

I got a HUGE boner during the lesbian scene omfg
Me too, movie made no sense whatsoever though.
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Old 04-07-09, 06:34 PM   #19
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Super Mario View Post
Me too, movie made no sense whatsoever though.
It makes sense if you realise *sppoilers* the whole first two hours are Diane Selwyn's dream.
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Old 04-07-09, 07:55 PM   #20
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Aran View Post
@TAT David and Margret actually gave JCVD a good score, for movie reviewers they actually seem to actually get it right, what normal people would actually like .
I really need to start catching their show.
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Old 04-07-09, 08:07 PM   #21
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It's great when you hear one of them say "Well, I thought the film was just wonderful"
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Old 04-07-09, 08:36 PM   #22
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My dad and I tuned in a few weeks ago just to hear the exact words David used to describe how shit Year One was and giving it one star.

We weren't disappointed.
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Old 04-07-09, 08:57 PM   #23
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Aran View Post
My dad and I tuned in a few weeks ago just to hear the exact words David used to describe how shit Year One was and giving it one star.

We weren't disappointed.
http://www.abc.net.au/atthemovies/txt/s2589524.htm

Quote:
Originally Posted by David
In a primitive village at the dawn of time Paleolithic hunter-gatherer Zed, (JACK BLACK) eats an apple from the tree of knowledge of good and evil. Believing himself to be The Chosen One, he sets out with his friend, Oh, (MICHAEL CERA), on an epic quest for enlightenment.

This dismal, visually drab, so-called comedy is strictly for people who still think Jack Black is funny. Director, Harold Ramis says he was inspired by memories of Mel Brooks’s memorable television appearance as the TWO THOUSAND YEAR OLD MAN, but comparisons are odious to say the least.

The film plays like a sort of poor man’s Monty Python, without any of the wit of the British team. The protagonists encounter Cain and Abel, Abraham and Isaac and various other characters, but the humour is confined to stale anachronisms, fart jokes and toilet humour – in other words, this is aimed squarely at 12-year-olds.

JACK BLACK labours mightily to little or no effect. MICHAEL CERA was ill-advised to wear that silly wig; and it’s really sad to see an actor of the calibre of Oliver Platt involved in this stuff.

YEAR ONE makes WILL FERRELL’s LAND OF THE LOST look like a masterpiece.
I am amused.
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Old 04-07-09, 09:13 PM   #24
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Never watched Mulholland Drive is it any good?
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Old 04-07-09, 09:19 PM   #25
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Worth it for the lesbian scene, but I'm not really a fan of David Lynch.
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Old 04-07-09, 09:36 PM   #26
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Eraser Head was his best imo. Really freaky movie.
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Old 04-07-09, 09:54 PM   #27
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Quote:
Originally Posted by adam_91vn View Post
Never watched Mulholland Drive is it any good?
Yep, definitely.

And it's only $6.99 at Target right now (until the 8th of July)

Magnolia is also only $6.99, so for $13.98 you can get two stellar movies.
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Old 04-07-09, 09:59 PM   #28
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Thanks will pick them up
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Old 05-07-09, 09:23 AM   #29
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Transformers II: It was all like BOOM, KAPOW! And then Megan Fox runs at the screen and her boobs wobble. 10/10
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Old 05-07-09, 01:38 PM   #30
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sloppy View Post
Yep, definitely.

And it's only $6.99 at Target right now (until the 8th of July)

Magnolia is also only $6.99, so for $13.98 you can get two stellar movies.
I picked Mulholland Drive up from Target yesterday...Now I need to set some time aside to consume it's hearty contents. I've already got Magnolia, but I saw it there for that price. So cheap!

I got 3 Looney Tunes dvd's for $20 from there as well. Hot Dog.
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Old 05-07-09, 01:45 PM   #31
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kexx View Post
Transformers II: It was all like BOOM, KAPOW! And then Megan Fox runs at the screen and her boobs wobble. 10/10
Hell yeah


Movies I've seen recently:

Happiness: Fucked up shit mang, awesome stuff though. I have no idea how they managed to get through the scene near the end with the dad talking to his son, was there much/any outrage when the movie was released?

"Would you rape me dad?"
"No...I'd just jerk off"

The Savages: Tragic, sad, beautiful. I have no idea how I'd cope with a kid with a mental disability let alone a parent after living with them for all my life with full mental faculties, it'd be devastating.

Black Snake Moan: Superb story of loss, Jackson was a fantastic cantankerous old man with his awesome blues tunes.

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Old 05-07-09, 01:47 PM   #32
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Happiness is one the most disturbing films I've ever seen. Phillip Seymour Hoffman's phone etiquette was...curious,
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Old 05-07-09, 01:49 PM   #33
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"I came", one of the best ways to end a movie, the looks on everyone's faces was fucking priceless.
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Old 05-07-09, 07:33 PM   #34
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Watchmen

Dr Manhattan does it nuclear style! (and it appears he is circumcised)
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Old 05-07-09, 07:53 PM   #35
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The Evil That Men Do

Bronson/Bronson
He's always bad arse.
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Old 05-07-09, 08:28 PM   #36
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My brother's girlfriend was watching some DVDs today when they came over for dinner.

Clueless
Jesus Christ, I can't believe I used to watch crap like this when I was younger.

Mamma Mia
I wanted to stab myself in the dick. If I could switch off, this would be alright, but it's just so fucking retarded. Pierce Brosnan can't sing for shit either.
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Old 05-07-09, 08:42 PM   #37
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Darkman - 9/10

Pretty fucking cool. I was hanging out the whole movie for the Bruce Campbell appearance. I was left hanging right til the end
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Old 05-07-09, 08:42 PM   #38
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Darkman - 9/10

Pretty fucking cool. I was hanging out the whole movie for the Bruce Campbell appearance. I was left hanging right til the end
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Old 05-07-09, 08:44 PM   #39
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Darkman - 9/10

Pretty fucking cool. I was hanging out the whole movie for the Bruce Campbell appearance. I was left hanging right til the end
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Old 05-07-09, 09:04 PM   #40
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Maximus Prime View Post
Darkman - 9/10

Pretty fucking cool. I was hanging out the whole movie for the Bruce Campbell appearance. I was left hanging right til the end
FUCK YOU! Should have grabbed me to watch it!
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